Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
