Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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