So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
