i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
