Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
