I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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