Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just had sex bonerless
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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