She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
