The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
