You made me cry and you don't even care
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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