I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
