so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
