She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
