I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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