And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
