She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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