tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
