Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
