I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
