I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
