If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
