babies were throwing up all over the place
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i believe in u and ur pee
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
