I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
from now on my penis is your penis
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
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