so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
