the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
