Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
