when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I pour the whiskey from now on
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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