She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
