It's a beautiful day for a hangover
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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