That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
