i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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