We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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