6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
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Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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