we're blogging at a bar
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
