The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
