I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
