He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
