Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
