the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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