Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
one two three fourrrrnication!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
