There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
