Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
