well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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