sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
