i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
