we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
