i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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