Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
is that a dick in a sweater?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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