I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
