Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
