I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
