He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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