I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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