found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
