We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
two words: eviction party
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
