I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
