I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
