There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
