my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
