When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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