Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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