I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
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