She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
