I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
