first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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