i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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