is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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