So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
