If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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