Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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