At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
