I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
