So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
