I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
