just tell him i said nine months
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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