I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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