Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I intend to get homeless drunk
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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