you're like a bully in the Christmas story
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
