just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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